Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
