Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He shit in the fireplace