I'm eating all of the evidence.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.