I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.