Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
