He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
