He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, I just burned my penis
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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