Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
