Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
