i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
