we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
