You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I believe in your delicious
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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