If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
