Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The Olympian is in my bed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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