Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
