you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
