How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
