i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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