We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
