my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize