You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
