i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
