You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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