Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
