haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
