So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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