i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
