He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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