Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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