please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
