Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
two words...techno handjob
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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