i permit you to call me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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