can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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