I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
