And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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