How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
