Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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