Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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