i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
