The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
