wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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