i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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