My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I AM VODKA MAN
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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