I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
