imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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