I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
