And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
