tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
