im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?