If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.