I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?