Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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