I showed him my bush... on skype.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
