At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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