your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
