Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
