Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
