If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
