Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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