For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
