I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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