There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
