Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
