I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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