Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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