evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
