So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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