You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
where are you?
Hypothermia
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
