i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
