OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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