How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
