yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
