If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sarcasm needs its own font
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
