You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize